Originally posted on Lauren's Caring Bridge site here: Lauren Jean
I can't say I loved being pregnant. I admit it. I was constantly uncomfortable because, after I could feel it, she would beat me up from the inside. She has always been a bit of a feisty girl.
We were so excited to know that she was going to come into our family. We were planning her nursery and little things that she'd do. The nursery is not done, but she's already done so many amazing things... Just sooner than planned.
Here's how her birth came to be so early-
January 23rd- I went in for my third ultrasound at the U of M Riverside Bldg. On the second ultrasound I had, there was a small bright spot on her heart. The spot turned out to be nothing to worry about.... Though, let me tell you, before that we worried. A lot. Because that's what parents do.
February 3rd- I had my first "migraine" but without the pain I would associate with it, like a headache. I just had vision disturbances. I called the nurses line and they told me to go home, put my feet up, take two Tylenol and relax. I did. It went away after a while.
February 4th- I had an appointment with my doctor and he was a little concerned but as long as I could control the migraines, it was good. I did have to start visiting him every two weeks though just to check up. I can't remember what my blood pressure was at that time....
February 6th/7th- I had the same vision issues both days, but I could sit down at work and relax. They would go away.
February 10th- My first real low-grade headache. It was so minor that the Tylenol could handle it.
February 11th- I woke with horrible back pain. I figured I slept wrong. I was pregnant after all. Nothing was comfortable. Joe was nice enough to rub my feet a few days to help with the swelling too.
February 12th- My back pain was no better in the morning and I had to work in the evening, so I just relaxed most of the day. I went to work but left an hour early and called the nurses line in the birthing center of Fairview Princeton and they wanted me to come in. So I was hanging in triage for a bit of the night and my blood pressure was high. Nothing crazy, but high. They told me to visit my doctor in the morning to get it checked.
February 13th- I visited my clinic and they checked my blood pressure. It was up enough that the doctor wanted to see me. I head to the hospital since he's on duty there. And I'm instantly put in a room and set up with an IV. I feel like I may have missed something between the getting there and IV part, like the why exactly. I'm guessing the Magnesium Sulfate didn't help with my memory in that aspect. I was still thinking I was fairly okay... Like I just needed to rest and relax.
I even had to get two shots in my butt of steroids to help with Lauren's lung development.... and it still didn't register with me that something was really bad
But then I needed an ambulance transport to the U of M Riverside hospital. And I still wasn't really stressed, but I'm guessing the drugs, again, kept the worry at bay. Me freaking out would not have been good for my blood pressure. Calling Joe to let him know about the ambulance ride was not easy, but he kept so calm. He really took care of what needed to be done, like what to do with my car and calling the important people to let them know what was going on.
February 14th- Not where wanted to be for Valentine's day. Not at all.
That morning, we had an ultrasound and there are eight points that the baby would have to cover to be born safely and she covered all of them. Thank God.
Not long after that though, the doctor who read the ultrasound from back on 1/23/14 came to say that she hadn't grown really for the last three weeks. Except her head... that had but her body was still small. At least she was growing in the critical areas. I still felt like a horrible mom. My body was not doing what it was supposed to... It was hurting my child rather than helping her. We had to deliver her the next day at 29 weeks and 6 days gestational age.
This was not what I had planned. I had to mourn the fact that I wasn't going to be able to have my water break naturally.... That I wasn't going to have a flustered husband driving me to the hospital... That I wasn't going to squeeze my child out of me at a healthy weight. That I wasn't going to be able to take her home right away... Not what I had planned at all. I still cry uncontrollably about it. I know it's still new, but it hurts so badly.
I was still immensely happy though that I was going to meet my girl the next day. Such conflicting emotions.
I could hardly sleep that night. Even with all the meds in me, I just was worried... And then I had a dream. Joe's dad was in it, smiling at me, then a guy I didn't recognize (Later I realized it was his grandpa, Dick, who I never got to meet) and my grandpa, Jim. And they were all smiling at me from heaven... and I fell asleep, finally. I woke up with (almost) no worry and a lighter heart. I just knew things were going to be ok. I just knew.
February 15th- The big day.
My dad, Lorne, Joe's mom, Julie, Kat (his sister), Jack and Pamela (his brother and sister-in-law) came to visit before hand. I needed them to calm me down. I needed to see their faces to help support me. I'm so thankful they came and sat with me. And brought Lauren her first birthday presents. :)
It was still during this time that I look back and realize that I didn't really realize how bad I was. How sick my body was... I mean, at the worst, my blood pressure was 190/110. I just knew everything was going to be okay with my girl. I didn't have time to worry about myself anyway if I had the inclination.
The chaplain came in before the surgery and they prayed over me... Along with me.
Then we waited.
And then it all went really fast.
They took me in to the OR and got me on the table. The epidural was a cake walk. The anesthesiologist said it was going to feel like a bee sting, but it was way less painful than that. I could feel it making it's way down my left leg and it was awesome. And weird, but awesome. Then my right leg and up to my diaphragm. And then my fingers.
I thought it was pretty cool when they laid me down because I had no control. I also had a huge desire to wiggle my toes and I couldn't. It drove me a little crazy. I was asking questions and joking with the nurses and doctors throughout the surgery too because I thought it was pretty cool that I could feel what they were doing but not feel the pain. Then Joe came in... and I focused on him.
He got to see Lauren's little feet sticking out and his face was pretty priceless. And they pulled her out. You could just see the awe and love instantly. He got to cut the umbilical cord and they took him and the baby to NICU while they put me back together. I found out at that time too that the doctor who was doing my c-section was on the cover of Minnesota Monthly magazine. She's a looker and very talented. :D
I had a few hours of recuperation where Julie, Dad, Kat, Jack and Pamela got to come in and visit. They all got to see her and admire our little dark haired girl.... This part is mostly a blur for me. The drugs were still going through me pretty heavily to keep me calm and get my blood pressure under wraps.
I don't even remember if I went down to the NICU to see her that day.
February 16th- I did see my girl. And her long fingers and toes. And her amazing head of hair. She was slightly funny colored due to the bili-lights that work to get the bilirubin out of her system. She had that awesome eyelash cover over her eyes to protect them.
February 17th- Feels like a blur. I know I went to see her but I don't remember much about it. Drugs are bad.
February 18th- I was still not feeling good... Blood pressure was a little wonky. I did visit Lauren and get to hold her for the first time. Her temp dipped a little though so we could only hold her the one time...
February 19th- I got to hold her again. It was amazing to feel her skin against mine.... to feel her tiny little hands. We made someone so beautiful that I thank God every day and often.
Watching Joe hold his girl was so amazing. He's so proud of her... It fills my heart with so much love I feel it's going to burst.
This was also the day that I found out just how bad my pre-eclampsia had been. It occurs in 3-4% of pregnancies, with most occurring at or near term (after 37 weeks) and 10% occurring before 34 weeks. I had five of the nine signs and symptoms of Severe Pre-eclampsia... My blood pressure was crazy along with a low platelet count, liver abnormalities, visual problems, persistent headaches and fluffy, swollen legs. I'm glad I didn't know how bad I had been... I wouldn't have been able to stay calm. I'm also really happy to still be here and to not have had the seizures and/or strokes that could have come.
I thanked God and felt such joy that i had a beautiful daughter and that I was getting healthy.
February 20th- I got to hold her for a whole hour. I fell asleep a few times, but so did she. :) It almost made up for being discharged that afternoon.
The cool thing is that I can basically sit by her side all day. That's my new job. The nurses just work around me or ask me to move. I can change her diapers and take her temp, but not feed her. I have moments where I get a little envious of the nurses because they get to do all the things I can't.... Then I knock it off and do what I can at the time.
The nurses are all so amazing and you can see that they love taking care of her. They all keep saying how cute she is... And you know they mean it.
February 21st- My first full day on the job. Craig (Joe's uncle) dropped me off there around 11 or so and I went straight to her side. And I spent the day trying to read to her but I/we usually fell asleep. I found the cafeteria and the food isn't bad, so that's good. It was better than I thought it was going to be.
Then I went home that night. For the first time in over a week, i was going to pet my cat. And sleep in my bed. But my baby wasn't going to be with me...
February 22nd- Needless to say, the first full day home was tough. And really, really good for me. I got laundry done and dishes washed... Getting a schedule in order is necessary during her hospital stay to maintain order for Joe, for me, for the cat, for our health. I had a moment of guilt for taking that time, but know that it is necessary. .
February 23rd- Joe and I spent a lot of today at the hospital, with family visiting. We love seeing her sweet face and her darling little body growing so fast. She still has a ways to go before she can come home, but we know she is so well cared for. The doctors constantly seem a little amazed by how well she's doing, which makes us happy.
Our little peanut is feisty and ready to come home it seems.
I'm sure we can't possible say it enough, but thank you to everyone for the prayers, support, love and kind words you've sent to our family. It's been a much harder time than we expected and you help make it all a bit easier.
Love,
Jenny
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